Well, I have been kind of absent in my blog...... I have been hesitant to actually write this down and write my feelings on it all.
We found out on Tuesday that I am pregnant. 4.5 months after I had K, I know how it happened I know why it happened I'm not some stupid naive women who is completely shocked, but yet here I am having so many mixed emotions on this. I don't know how far along I am or if this one will also result in a miscarriage. I am hesitant to get happy about this because of the risk of miscarriage and just because I wasn't expecting this to happen so soon.
R is okay with it, he says everything will work out. Well I just wish that I could feel as confident as he does. I'm having a hard time even thinking that I am pregnant. I don't feel pregnant, well except from feeling sick to my stomach all the time, I really don't feel like it's really happening and that it was all just a dream.
I'm worried that I won't be able to get happy about this, and then I am worried that I am going to get happy about this and then I will lose it. Then I am also worried that if I do lose it that I won't be sad about it. I'm scared and nervous and just well I don't know what else I feel.
I go in on Tuesday April 26th at 2:20 to see my doctor about this. I am very nervous on what she is going to say.... Then on May 2 at 2:20 as well I have a physical, now I am pretty sure that either between those 2 appointments or just after the last appointment I will have an ultrasound to find out how far along I am or if there is actually a viable pregnancy. When I took the pregnancy test R looked at it first so when he finally showed it to me I was really shocked to see that the test line was way darker then the control line. Makes me think that right now I am about 5 or 6 weeks pregnant, so probably by the time I get the ultrasound I will be about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. So we should see something if it is viable.
Well I should go now...
Gotta Run.
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