- I feel bad because K's breastfeeding experience may be cut shorter then she is ready for and this time around I was really hoping to go past a year instead of having to stop at 10 or so months.
- I feel bad because I know that I am going to get more tired and less mobile so I am not going to be a very fun mom for any of my kids :(
- I feel bad because if K decided to learn to walk after a year I won't be able to give her my 110% attention that I want to give her.
- I feel bad because I am also missing some of the most exciting times for her, her first christmas that she kind of understands, her first birthday, and other stuff I am sure. I mean I will be there but I will either be hugely pregnant or to sore from having a c-section to really enjoy it.
- I feel bad also because of J, he already is complaining he doesn't see or spend time with me enough, and with him starting kindergarten and going to his dads and my attention already having to be on K sometimes it's just going to get more stretched thin when or if this new baby comes.
- I guess what I feel the most bad about is me wishing that I could just spend the day in bed and not worry about anything for just one day and just have the whole day to me to sleep and do nothing. But that won't happen. Not now, and certainly not for the next 20 or so years. Well I guess it might be more likely when they are teenagers or even 5 and up, cause dear old dad can take care of them.
I've gotten to the point where I won't even really talk about it to R, I guess I don't really want to talk about it until I can for sure say that yes there is a baby inside of me and in 8 or 9 months we will have another baby to look after. I don't want to plan to much until I know for sure, but the funny thing is I don't want to think of the happy things or what good could come of this but I sure do know how to think of the negative. Oh well, I am sure it will get better once I know whats going on.
Laundry is beeping to be brought out of the dryer.
Gotta Run.
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