I am feel very run down and frustrated these days. I lose my temper too quickly and get frustrated more often then not, and it's usually at my children. Either they aren't listening to a word I am saying or they are defying it and doing whatever it is they want. They are great kids and I am very grateful for having them in my life but I have to tell you it sure isn't easy.
I am feeling extremely frustrated with my self because even when I don't want to lose my cool I usually do. I hear my self yelling and getting angry and I feel bad in the end. I know I yell to often and get angry and frustrated to often and I really don't want to be like this, maybe it is because it is the way I was raised. My mom was always yelling and always sending us to our room. I find my self doing that exact same thing.
R is very calm and hardly raises his voice and I find that he doesn't even have a chance to do that anyways because the kids listen to him anyways. I often wonder what is so different between my parenting and R's parenting. I still don't know the answer to that question and I really don't think I will. Which sucks cause I would really like the kids to do the thing I asked the first time I asked it and not the 10000000 time, and not after me raising my voice and yelling at them.
All I know is I don't like the way that I am currently parenting and I don't want to bring another child into this family with me yelling all the time. So I guess maybe I should look into trying to stay calm or walking away more often. Maybe just maybe they will start to listen to me. Who knows. But I guess it's working for R so maybe just maybe it will work for me.
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