Wow...

It has been quite a while since I have posted anything. Things have changed that's for sure. My life is still crazy and in a couple months about to get even crazier. Here is an update.....

- We moved out of R's Dads place :)
- We are almost settled into our very own place :)
- I am still pregnant, just turned 22 weeks today.
- K will be 8 months old on the 29th !!!
- She is sitting on her own :)
- She has 6 teeth. 4 up top and 2 on the bottom :)
- She for the most part sleeps through the night :)
- J still has lots of attitude.
- S is getting better at pronouncing his words.
- R lost his old job and in a matter of 2 short weeks found himself a better job :)


I think that is the majority of the update. Not much else is new really, we moved so that was a lot of work.  I turned 26 :( boo to that, but R turns 32 in August. lol. He is not looking forward to that.

J was having major attitude with me this afternoon so I sent him to a time out on his bed and I went to go check on him after 4 minutes and he had covered himself up with his blanket and is now asleep. Coincidentally K is also having her nap. She has been asleep for about an hour and I am hoping that with the silence that she will sleep for at least another hour. Some days her napping times are VERY VERY short and it can be a very exhausting day.

My grandparents bought me the baby bullet and so far I have made cantaloup, banana, apples and squash with it. K loved the banana and cantaloup, but the squash she disliked and the apples I think were a little too bitter for her so I might just find some natural way to sweeten it without adding sugar.

Well I think that is all for right now. I am going to go and enjoy the silence and relax :)

Gotta Run.

behind....

I've been slacking in my blog writing and I have to say that this whole being pregnant has really put a kink in my emotional state. I still don't quite know how I feel, I'm getting used to the idea thats for sure. I have an ultrasound on the 4th to figure out how far along I am and if the pregnancy is viable. I'm not quite sure what I am expecting to see on the ultrasound and I don't think I can really get a grasp on how I feel until I know exactly what that ultrasound will say. I guess we just wait now.

This weekend was busy, we had a good easter egg hunt, no pictures of that but we did take video so thats good. We did take pictures of them opening their easter baskets and that was a lot of fun :) We went to our friends house to let our kids and their kids play together and we took some pictures of all the kids, man that was exhausting. Kids are hard to take pictures of especially when there is 6 of them :)

K has a major diaper rash so she is in disposables right now, and I really do feel like the worst mother in the world. The other night we followed our same routine where we change her diaper before her last feed and then she must have pooped sometime after that because in the middle of the night she woke up screaming and we couldn't figure it out and since she never poops during the night or needs a diaper change because she is not a heavy wetter. So we eventually settled her down and she went to sleep, but at 6:30 she had woken up and she had soaked through her clothes. So I changed her diaper and you could tell the poop had been there for awhile :( She had a bad rash and I felt so bad. We put her in a disposable right away and put cream on it, after that she was much happier and the next time I changed her diaper the rash had gone down a lot. But there is this one spot that is an open sore :( So we are putting her in disposables and putting polysporn on it. It is looking much better, I still feel like crap for not even noticing it but honestly she didn't smell and she didn't make any noises like she does before when she goes poop. We are changing her diapers more often and checking them more often as well. I just hope that it clears up quickly.

Diaper laundry needs to be changed over...

Gotta run.

loud parenting.

I am feel very run down and frustrated these days. I lose my temper too quickly and get frustrated more often then not, and it's usually at my children. Either they aren't listening to a word I am saying or they are defying it and doing whatever it is they want. They are great kids and I am very grateful for having them in my life but I have to tell you it sure isn't easy.

I am feeling extremely frustrated with my self because even when I don't want to lose my cool I usually do. I hear my self yelling and getting angry and I feel bad in the end. I know I yell to often and get angry and frustrated to often and I really don't want to be like this, maybe it is because it is the way I was raised. My mom was always yelling and always sending us to our room. I find my self doing that exact same thing.

R is very calm and hardly raises his voice and I find that he doesn't even have a chance to do that anyways because the kids listen to him anyways. I often wonder what is so different between my parenting and R's parenting. I still don't know the answer to that question and I really don't think I will. Which sucks cause I would really like the kids to do the thing I asked the first time I asked it and not the 10000000 time, and not after me raising my voice and yelling at them.

All I know is I don't like the way that I am currently parenting and I don't want to bring another child into this family with me yelling all the time. So I guess maybe I should look into trying to stay calm or walking away more often. Maybe just maybe they will start to listen to me. Who knows. But I guess it's working for R so maybe just maybe it will work for me.

I feel bad.

So I don't feel pregnant, I mean besides feeling nauseous every now and then if I hadn't taken that test I would have never even suspected I was. I'm still unsure on how I feel about this, but part of me feels bad. 

- I feel bad because K's breastfeeding experience may be cut shorter then she is ready for and this time around I was really hoping to go past a year instead of having to stop at 10 or so months.

- I feel bad because I know that I am going to get more tired and less mobile so I am not going to be a very fun mom for any of my kids :( 

- I feel bad because if K decided to learn to walk after a year I won't be able to give her my 110% attention that I want to give her. 

- I feel bad because I am also missing some of the most exciting times for her, her first christmas that she kind of understands, her first birthday, and other stuff I am sure. I mean I will be there but I will either be hugely pregnant or to sore from having a c-section to really enjoy it. 

- I feel bad also because of J, he already is complaining he doesn't see or spend time with me enough, and with him starting kindergarten and going to his dads and my attention already having to be on K sometimes it's just going to get more stretched thin when or if this new baby comes. 

- I guess what I feel the most bad about is me wishing that I could just spend the day in bed and not worry about anything for just one day and just have the whole day to me to sleep and do nothing. But that won't happen. Not now, and certainly not for the next 20 or so years. Well I guess it might be more likely when they are teenagers or even 5 and up, cause dear old dad can take care of them. 

I've gotten to the point where I won't even really talk about it to R, I guess I don't really want to talk about it until I can for sure say that yes there is a baby inside of me and in 8 or 9 months we will have another baby to look after. I don't want to plan to much until I know for sure, but the funny thing is I don't want to think of the happy things or what good could come of this but I sure do know how to think of the negative.  Oh well, I am sure it will get better once I know whats going on. 

Laundry is beeping to be brought out of the dryer.

Gotta Run.

Shocked yet not....

Well, I have been kind of absent in my blog...... I have been hesitant to actually write this down and write my feelings on it all.

We found out on Tuesday that I am pregnant. 4.5 months after I had K, I know how it happened I know why it happened I'm not some stupid naive women who is completely shocked, but yet here I am having so   many mixed emotions on this. I don't know how far along I am or if this one will also result in a miscarriage. I am hesitant to get happy about this because of the risk of miscarriage and just because I wasn't expecting this to happen so soon.

R is okay with it, he says everything will work out. Well I just wish that I could feel as confident as he does. I'm having a hard time even thinking that I am pregnant. I don't feel pregnant, well except from feeling sick to my stomach all the time, I really don't feel like it's really happening and that it was all just a dream.

I'm worried that I won't be able to get happy about this, and then I am worried that I am going to get happy about this and then I will lose it. Then I am also worried that if I do lose it that I won't be sad about it. I'm scared and nervous and just well I don't know what else I feel.

I go in on Tuesday April 26th at 2:20 to see my doctor about this. I am very nervous on what she is going to say.... Then on May 2 at 2:20 as well I have a physical, now I am pretty sure that either between those 2 appointments or just after the last appointment I will have an ultrasound to find out how far along I am or if there is actually a viable pregnancy. When I took the pregnancy test R looked at it first so when he finally showed it to me I was really shocked to see that the test line was way darker then the control line. Makes me think that right now I am about 5 or 6 weeks pregnant, so probably by the time I get the ultrasound I will be about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. So we should see something if it is viable.

Well I should go now...

Gotta Run.

Sick and more sick.

I have been a way for a bit, first the whole family got a cold. K got it the worst and is still sick, slowly she is getting better. She doesn't need to sleep in her carseat any more so thats a plus, also she has kind of migrated back into our bed. Which I don't really mind I suppose because she sleeps better in bed with us, she has less coughing fits and seems to breath better as well and if that is what it takes for her to feel better then she can sleep in our bed for as long as it takes.

Second I got the stomach bug the other day, still do a little bit. A couple days ago, literally right after I got better from having a cold I started feeling sick. Then yesterday I literally got sick in the morning, that made me feel better for about an hour or so and then my stomach started to not feel good again. I just can't seem to get a break :(

I even stopped scrapbooking for the time being. I just didn't and still don't really have the energy for anything really, K kind of takes all of it. Speaking of K she seems to be fussing from her VERY SHORT nap.. Boo....

Gotta Run.

2 Months!!!

Well it is finally April. That means that we are moving out in less then 2 months! I am really excited about this. R just got his windshield fixed so that means that he will be putting the car up for sale, all so we can move out. I really hope that everything turns out okay. The count down is on!!!

I got my scrapbooking program! I'm super excited to get back into the groove of things :) I am currently doing an ABC book for each child, and man oh man is it tougher then I thought it would be. I would do better with more kits from the website but with no money that will just have to wait. I do know that I will be buying a very girly kit when I do get some extra money :) maybe something neutral as well.

K and I are still sick, but I am on the mend. She is still sleeping in her carseat but at least she is sleeping a little bit more. I'm really hoping she will get better soon, cause seeing her sick makes my heart break :( She has a doctors appointment on Tuesday, so hopefully the doctor can tell me how to make her congestion go away. She is sitting on my lap watching me type and it is so cute, that or she is watching Roswell :)

I am so going to be taking a nap tomorrow when K does. I have been so tired during the day it's crazy, I really do hope that when I get better I won't be so tired anymore. I am really looking forward to taking a nap though :)

Well we had a big boy kid free weekend this weekend, and I have to say it still didn't feel relaxing with everyone being sick and all. Here is hoping at least next weekend will be some what relaxing :)

K needs to be put to bed now so I should go.

Gotta Run.

Sleepless nights.

Well another very very long night. I finally got K to sleep around 12:00 am and so I quickly went to bed as well. For one I was exhausted and two I knew that she wouldn't stay sleeping long. I managed to fall asleep within a half hour so that wasn't too bad. 1:30 came around and I was jolted awake by R who woke up violently coughing which then had him running to the bathroom to go get sick. Every now and then that seems to happen, he will just get up in the middle of the night and start getting sick.

Anyways we finally got to sleep about 2:00 and then K woke up to be fed around 2:30, from then on she was either sleeping and tossing and turning and whimpering or she was up crying. Either way I couldn't sleep, so I finally just took her out to sleep on the couch. R came out and tried to calm her by rocking her in the glider but that was no use, so I sent him off to bed and sat up watching T.V. with her. She was clearly tired but was fighting sleep which led us to stay awake until 5:00 in the morning!!!

I am so tired, K woke up at 8:00 to be fed but didn't fall back asleep until about 10, and even then I can't take a nap because I have J here today and he doesn't nap and I am just not okay with napping and leave him alone to do god knows what. So that means that in the last two days I have gotten about 6 hours of sleep.

K is on her second nap of the day and she is sleeping in her carseat in the crib, because that is clearly the only way she can breath and sleep at the same time. I really do hope that tonight goes a little better.

Either way all of our plans for the weekend are pretty much canceled with all of us being sick and all. Well lets hope that we get better by next week.

K is coughing....

Gotta run.

sick fail

Thats me right now, and K. I have been getting worse, my throat is so sore and I can't stop sneezing. K is not worse but not any better, she can't sleep laying down and when she does sleep it is only in 5 minute increments before she starts kicking and getting restless. I think her throat may be hurting her too, because when she coughs she starts to cry. Anyways so she doesn't want to be put down and even when she is being held she is still crying. Right now though she is sleeping propped up on the couch.

It keeps her asleep the longest, guaranteed she will be awake within the next 5 or 10 minutes. 

But I guess what I am trying to get at is that I am going to skip the work out video tonight and hope that I feel well enough to do one on Friday. I'm not making excuses I just can't work out with a crying baby or with a sore throat and runny nose:( 

I'm still going to get my butt in gear it just sucks that it happens to be exactly when I am sick:(

Gotta Run.

Weigh in Wednesday

I sadly stepped on the scale this morning and saw the horrific numbers of 201.3, I don't enjoy those numbers at all. That is the heaviest I have weighed with the exception of being pregnant and even then I only got up to 214. So to say I am sad and even disappointed in my self for letting it get this out of control is an understatement. 

So as I said yesterday I am now starting to do some work out videos. I really hope that I am able to keep up with this. Even though last night was horrific and I only got maybe 3 hours of sleep, and not all at the same time I still plan on trying to do one of the work out videos. Maybe not a 45 minute one but more like 20-30 minutes:) Some is better then non right. I hope so. No sleep and being sick should make for an interesting work out. 

Like I said yesterday my goal is to be 130 by March of 2012, that way I can make any alterations I need to my dress then and maintain my weight. Hopefully. My wedding is my main goal. I really want to look great for my wedding, so I guess I better get my butt into gear. 

Week 1 - 201.3

Lets hope this all works out.

Gotta run.

OH MY WORD!!!

Well I just completed my first 45 minute work out, and it literally killed me! I am using a set of work out videos from The FIRM, its a great system and it probably works great if you use it all the time. lol. R got these work out videos for me along with The Wave. First I am going to start off with the work out videos that don't use the wave board, and as soon as I feel confident in my ability to do a 45 minute work out without feeling like I just got hit by a semi I will for sure jump on that board and start doing those work out videos. For now though this is okay for me.

I do want to start running as well, but until I either have a jogging stroller or someone who actually wants to jog with me and not walk then I am going to hold off on that. R said he would jog with me but I think we are going to wait until we have good runners for him. Hopefully when it warms up at night R and I can go for nightly runs :) I know he would be the perfect person to motivate me to keep jogging.

I think my work out days are going to be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday to start off. I kind of like to work out in private and not have someone watch me so that works well. Joshua leaves around 3:45 on those days so I have about an hour before I have to start cooking dinner and hopefully K will let me do it around those times. That or I have to just suck it up and get up at 5:30 in the morning. I just haven't figured out the whole time thing yet cause K is still nursing when ever she wants and she if she isn't having someone pay attention to her she kind of gets crabby. She was okay tonight though, I think she liked watching me work out and make a fool of my self. lol.

My goal is to lose 70-75 pounds by March 2012. Its do-able, and I think my goal weight being 130 isn't to unreasonable unless I look good at a higher weight like 130 or 150, who knows after having children and my frame changing from when I was 130 at 17 or 18 I might not look as good at 130.... you know..

Wednesdays are going to be my weigh in days and talking about my goals and how I plan to get my butt into gear, but I weighed my self tonight and I was at 203 before I did my work out. So I will be curious to see if even one work out did anything. Not that I am expecting it to have done anything. First thing in the morning after I go to the bathroom is when I am going to weigh in.

But K is getting cranky.

Gotta run.

4 months!

K is now 4 months old. I still can't believe that my little baby girl is now 4 months old. I remember sitting on that operating table on the morning of the 29th and I was just so nervous. When they finally pulled her out and I got to see her I couldn't believe how tiny she was. 6 pounds 14 ounces, and long. She had these long skinny legs and long fingers. She was just so beautiful and I couldn't believe that she was mine:)

Here she is at 1 day old.

The first night in the hospital she was up all night and it was very hard, the nurse ended up taking her around 5:30 till about 7:00 when she wanted to eat again. R stayed the second night and of course she slept during the night and was great. I really am glad that R was there though, he changed all the diapers and stayed with me and helped me with anything I needed.  When we took her home it was great, no more hospital food and no more hospital beds or other people in the same room. I can bond with my baby in peace. It was great.

1 month old

Right around a month old she ended up back in the hospital because she had a stomach bug, she was puking so much and she wasn't too terribly interested in feeding. We stayed the night and it was a very very long night. I don't think I fell asleep until 2 and then I was woken up so many times from the stupid monitors being all glitchy, but K slept from about 1:30 till about 7. She was probably exhausted from being poked and prodded with all the needles :(  When she was about a month and a half she rolled over from front to back, so that made me happy :)

2 months old

At 2 months old she is still sleeping in our bed. She hated the bassinet and the crib, so in order for me to get any sleep at all she slept in our bed. At time she would sleep for at least 6 hours at a time, it was great and kind of amazing for her being so young :) She has really started to smile around this time and seeing her smile can make even the grumpiest person smile :)

3 months old

K got baptized on the 27th of February, so 2 days before she was 3 months old. She was so precious during the ceremony and slept through the whole thing. Everyone was so sure that she would cry but I knew that even if she had been awake she would have been just fine. She loves the water. She is starting to grasp things and reach out for toys :) We also think she has started to teeth :( She has been drooling a lot and anything that goes in her mouth gets chomped down on. lol

4 months old

She is starting to get into a really really fun stage :)  K now weighs 15 pounds 8.5 ounces and is 24 and 3/4 inches long. She has started to giggle, even though it's a hard task just to hear that 2 seconds of giggle. It totally is worth it. She wakes up and if she sees someone like R or I or even J her face will light up and she will give you the biggest smile! I love it. Her right eye is still clogged. I have tried massaging the duct and I wipe it out with a warm cloth but nothing seems to be helping. The nurse did say it could take a couple months for it to go away. Hopefully by summer it will be all cleared up. She is no where close to sitting up on her own and all though she has great head control she can only do it for a little bit at a time and she is still pretty wobbly. 

R is a great dad, he helps out and the majority of the time he actually gets her to sleep. He changes diapers and will take her if I need a break. J is absolutely in love with her, he always wants to give her hugs and kisses and be around her and give her love. S could go either way, he loves her I know that, but he isn't all over her like J is and the only time he really wants to give her hugs and kisses is when J does. 

Well I still can't believe that she is 4 months old. I am excited to see what the coming months bring :) 

Gotta run.

Crazy Everything

The weather has just been all out crazy this weekend. Yesterday it was sunny and warm and this morning at around 7:00 it was snowing these huge flakes of snow, which quickly turned to rain. When we went out at around 12:00 it was a cloudy grey day. Now at around 6:00 it is sunny but rainy at the same time. Very odd.

Last night J and S did not go to sleep at bedtime. I went to change K's diaper I saw that their light was on in their bedroom, it was about 10:30 at night. Boy did they get into trouble. After R went in there and put them promptly back to bed they were fast asleep within 5 minutes. crazy kiddos.

K was very cranky last night. She spent a good 45 minutes just crying, we couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. We tried every different position and every different technique we could think of. What stopped her from crying almost immediately is her getting naked for a diaper change. So the smart person that I am just laid her on the ground in the living room leaving her naked. She was happy and smiling and cooing for a good 30 or 40 minutes. He bring naked always makes her happy. Not to sure why but if it makes her happy I'm going to do it :)

Tomorrow K gets her 4 month shots and J is going back to his dads after 11 full days here with no leaving my side at all. It was great and well needed :) Tomorrow should be an interesting day. Wish me luck.

Gotta run.

The most THANKLESS job around.

I would have to say that being a mother and a wife is the most thankless job around. We as mothers always put our children first, put our family first before ourselves, without so much as either getting a thank you or thinking that we deserve one. With everything that we do around the house and for our families it should be mandatory for everyone to say thank you to us at least once during the day.

I do laundry, clean the bedrooms, do the dishes, make breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Wipe bums, change diapers, feed animals, take out the trash and I am sure much more then what I can think of right now, and 90 % of the time I don't even get so much of a thank you. Now when it comes to my children, granted they are 4, 3 and 4 months old so the thank you from them we are working on, but I kid you not every day during dinner J thanks me for making dinner. Does my DH or my FIL follow suit no. I think that's where it gets me, that is why I am writing this post. When we moved into R's Dads house it became clear that because I was home all day with the kids I would be the one to cook dinner, (FIL rule because he seems to think that women belong in the kitchen, no joke, makes me so angry!) so I went along with it so I wouldn't cause a fuss since he is helping us out by living her, but honestly he expects so much respect from everyone and expects everyone to thank him for what he does for them or it comes off rude. Seriously I didn't say anything to him one day because I was having a rough day with the kids and I was super tired and he was so pissed off and upset about it, and he claimed I never told him it was dinner but I said out loud into the living room that it was dinner time because J was in there as well. He didn't come up to eat and he complained to R that I completely ignored him and it was so disrespectful. No offence but it does go both ways, not once did he try to make an attempt to talk to me. GRRR anyways not once has he ever said THANK YOU for the dinner. His has said over and over again that if I make the dinner then he will clean up, but really I am the one who usually cleans up the kitchen and loads the dishwasher. I used to empty the dishwasher during the day as well, and for some reason he just up and started doing it. I think because I wasn't doing it up to his standards. Whatever no skin off my back.

This post kind of went off on a tangent, but what got me into thinking that is that although my child who is 4 years old says thank you almost every meal, my DH rarely says it, and my FIL NEVER SAYS IT. It's a little upsetting that my 4 year old has more manners and thoughtfulness in him then two grown men.

Maybe I am asking to much, maybe I shouldn't expect thank you everyday for at least trying to keep the house clean and putting a nice home cooked meal on the table every night, or making sure they have clean clothes to wear. Whatever the case is I just would feel better and maybe even more willing to do those things if a thank you was said every once in a while. Especially in regards to dinner.

But hey thats just me, maybe I'm crazy.

ALL YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE, WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHOULD WE BE TOLD THANK YOU MORE OFTEN AND SHOWN HOW MUCH WE ARE APPRECIATED FOR THE THINGS WE DO? 

Or because we chose to have a family we should just accept that being a mother/wife is almost always a thankless job.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!


Gotta Run.

Gloomy day

Today is a very gloomy day outside, so that kind of cancels the bike ride I had planned to have with J, and the playmate picnic as well. It's kind of a good thing I guess because J never went to bed last night until 11:00, I have no idea why he wasn't going to bed either. Needless to say he will be going down for a "rest" today.

S is coming over today and apparently he hurt his leg really bad on a chair, but his mother says he can still walk. What he was doing playing around on a chair is beyond me. Sometimes I question her ability to parent the children she has. One day I will dedicate a post to her craziness and believe you me you will think I have made the whole thing up. I guarantee that is really not the case. Anyways, I have all three kids all day tomorrow since J doesn't have school. I hope it goes okay.

K is still sick, she just can't seem to get over her cough. Poor little girl, but really unless she is tired or hungry she is pretty darn happy. Always smiling and always cooing:) She is really getting into the giggling as well. Last night she was giggling so much!! At one point it was really loud too, I loved it! I wanted to get it on video but whenever I had the camera out she didn't laugh really.  Oh well it will come soon enough where she is giggling all the time.

At the end of this month I get a new digital scrapbooking program! I am so excited for it, but sad that I have to wait a whole entire week! It's driving me crazy. I am also a little sad that I am unable to use my cricut machine. I love that thing and it is a great tool for scrapbooking, but with the lack of space we have there just isn't any room to do paper scraping. So until we get more room and a place of our own I will be going digital! I will do a review on it once I have it and know what its about. The YouTube video looked really good, and the reviews have been really good as well. So here is hoping that I like it.

Well K is fussing and I need to eat.

Gotta run

Exhausting day.

I've been struggling to come up with anything really to say the last couple days, and I have come up blank. Trust me it's not for lack of trying because most of yesterday I had the new post screen open on the computer incase something came to me or I just felt the need to write about my day or something. Yesterday was a very very exhausting day though K never slept for more then 30 minutes at a time, she was up quite a bit that night, she was also eating almost every 2 hours or less and she only wanted to be held upright. J also was not feeling well, he had a stomach bug yesterday or something, so he wanted all my attention and that with K needing all my attention it was a very very long day. I was so very glad when R came home and he was able to help out.

J is wanting some breakfast now so I will have to come back when everyone is having a rest.

Gotta Run.

Nothing.

Nothing really exciting or blog worthy to post but wanted to not go so many days with no posts :)

We went to the library today:) and then I took the boys outside to do an impromptu photo shoot and then convinced R to bring K out as well:) will have more on that later.

But S and J finished their ice-cream and now need showers, so off to go do that now.

Gotta Run!

Cloth Diaper Review

When I was pregnant with K R and I talked about cloth diapering her to save money. So I did A LOT of research. I think I went to every website I could click my mouse on, but I just couldn't make up my mind on what kind or style or type that I wanted. I needed to actually physically see one and hold one in my hand to see the size and how they looked, the ones that I was looking at actually getting online where the flip diapers and the bumGenius diapers but I was hesitant because like I said I needed to actually have them in my hands before I could make a decision.

So I looked around for any stores that carry Cloth diapers and there is literally 1 store that carries cloth diapers or at least only one that I could find. They actually carry the two kinds that I was looking into so I was very happy about that. The ladies that worked there answered all my questions and gave me more information then I knew what to do with. I don't think I could have made my decision if those ladies didn't know there stuff :) So R and I decided to go with One Size Flip diapers as our main diaper and the bumGenius one size 4.0 as our night time diaper.

We had to wait 3 weeks after K was born before we could fit her into any of the cloth diapers we got and I was kind of disappointed but it did say starting at around 8 pounds, and she was born 6 pounds 14 ounces and with skinny skinny legs, but once they fit there was no turning back :)

She is now 3.5 months old and the Flip and bumGenius 4.0 where the best choice we could have made. K has some major poops and if she were in a disposable I can garuntee she would have had many many blow outs, but the cloth diapers hold everything in with room for more. I love that we don't have to change her outfits or get rid of any because they are stained with baby poop:) We have both the organic inserts and the microfiber inserts witht he stay dry suede top that wicks away the moisture from the babies bum:) I really love the feel of the Organic inserts but they are a little bulkier then I would like so I just use them at night as they do absorb a lot more. We were going to use the bumGenius 4.0 diapers as our night time diapers but now they are mostly used for outings as they are as easy as a disposable, which makes changing quick and simple which is a big plus when you don't want to spend too much time changing a diaper when you are out.

To make my review even better I took pictures today to show how well we love our cloth diapers :)

First we have the One Size Flip diapers in butternut just before a diaper change:) I love this color on her. Not only is it not to girly but well she kind of just looks good in yellow:) After 2 or 3 wears with the cover they do kind of get stretched out, but washing them and line drying them take them back to their original form.

Next we have our lovely One Size bumGenius 4.0 in Bubble. I love the light colors on her, not to bright but just girly enough. These ones tend to fit a little smaller then the flip, I feel like sometimes I am adjusting the snaps on the bG before I am with the flips. I love them still though.

These are the other 2 colors of BG 4.0 that we have. We have 4 all together 1 Blossom, 1 Bubble and 2 Noodle.

This is a picture of one stuffed and folded up the way I put them away and one with just the insert on top.

These are all the colors I have for the One Size Flip diapers. 6 Zinnia, 2 Butternut and 2 Ribbit.

On the left is an organic insert, we have 6 of those and on the right is a stay dry insert, we have 24 of those.

All stuffed and ready to go, easy peasy :)

All folded nicely and ready to be put away:)

Oh and just for fun this is how I dry my covers, it doesn't take long to dry and it works well in the winter :) Hopefully when we move to our own place we will have a proper clothes line, either in doors or out :)

Well there you have it, my lovely review of the two diapers we choose. Hope you liked it and it helped you to choose which diapers you want to go with :)

Gotta Run.

J and K

Well yesterday was J's teacher parent teacher interview, it went well. He is a very well behaved kid and he shares and helps out and cleans up. He loves circle time and the gym, and he is great with the other kids. She did say that he has trouble recognizes the number 9 and he knows most of his alphabet, but he is having trouble cutting. So yesterday when we were out shopping we bought J a pair of blunt end scissors and I am going to work with him. I think some one on one help will get him on the right track. So I am very happy with his progress at school :) Come September he will be in full day Kindergarten.. Hope it goes as well as preschool.

Little K is sick, except now she has a cough. Not a bad one but it is still there and it breaks my heart. During the day she is okay, a little congested but other then that not a big deal. At night is a complete different story, she is cranky and she is back to hating the crib and she will literally only fall asleep and stay asleep in my arms. When I lay down with her she literally has to be in the crook of my arm. I'll wake up an hour or so later and my arm hurts from being so stiff. So if she is sound asleep I can move her off my arm and just beside me but other then that NOT A CHANCE! I really hope once she is feeling better it will go back to normal. Oh and she has started to eat like a newborn again. So that leaves me with my ta tas feeling very sore :( Hope that gets fixed soon as well.

I am going to take J to the library tomorrow hopefully if the weather is good. THE BIG NICE LIBRARY:) not the stingy one we have by our house. And we have S as well tomorrow until Monday morning. So a very busy weekend:) Hopefully maybe I can talk R into taking everyone swimming. Hopefully.

Well I will leave you with a picture of J and K playing nicely. My favorite part of this picture is how they are kind of holding hands :) So sweet :)

Gotta Run

Giggles and such

K is officially giggling.. Well not on a regular basis but still she had her first real giggle yesterday, and she did it more then once but man is it hard to get it out of her. I really can't wait to hear her giggle all the time :)

She has been in a great mood this weekend, loving her jumperoo so much she even fell asleep in it :) She isn't so much jumping in it as just staring at the lights and listening to the sounds. I think she kind of gets the fact that if you jump or move the jumperoo a little bit after the music stops that it will start up again:) I am really glad that she likes it, it will help me get things done when she doesn't want to be in a swing and all she wants to do is be up right.

Isn't she just adorable! 

She is also really close to sitting up. She loves it so much. If she is really cranky and she is laying down all you have to do is sit her up and she will calm right down and be such a happy baby. I really can't wait till she can sit on her own, it will make things so much better for her. That and the fun stage begins, soon she will be grabbing for toys and all that fun stuff. 

The first one was taking on Friday and the one of her in the Dora chair was taken on Saturday.

Today is going to be an easy day today I suppose, all I really have to do is laundry and vacuum the hallway. BUT I have like 10 loads to do. I really should have done some on the weekend, but really I just wasn't in the mood to do it. I just wanted to relax and just spend time with K and R. We did not have J and S this weekend so it was a little calmer around here then normal. lol. The next 2 weekends though we have them, and all next week J's dad is away in mexico and J is home from preschool all that week :) So I get some quality time with him :) 

We have parent teacher interviews with J's teachers tomorrow. So I hope that goes well. I didn't realize it was tomorrow. Wow. The middle of the month is tomorrow, where the heck is the time going! 

Gotta Run.

Quake in Japan!!

So last night around midnight we learned that Japan had been hit by an 8.9 earthquake, which triggered which hit the country's east coast and made it all the way to Vancouver B.C. coastline. The pictures and video are just heartbreaking. I can't imagine what those people are going through.

Here are just a few photos that I found.

Here is the full story as of today. I will continue to look for updates. Japan is in my thoughts and prayers.

Gotta run.

Criminal Minds and Motherhood.

This show is one of my all time favorite shows, just recently they got rid of J.J. The blonde in the grey outfit. I don't know why they got rid of her or what they were thinking but she was one of my favorite characters on that show. 

In Season 6 they start off by finishing a two part episode and there is a scene in it where J.J. talks to a serial killer and THIS SPEECH is one of the best speeches I have heard on t.v. in a very very long time. It really got to me, J.J really hits the nail on the head with what mothers are supposed to be like. 

I had it on PVR and I listened to it a couple times and then just now hearing it again just makes me so thankful that I am a mother and I have very beautiful children whom I love with all my heart. Being a mother is something you should want and be excited about, you should cherish and love your child and protect them with every ounce of your life. 

If you haven't watched that episode or have no idea what I am talking about I URGE you to click on the link for the speech and listen to it and let me know what you think. 

If you have any other links or quotes that are similar or anything that is blog worthy let me know and I'll blog about it! 

Hope that speech touches your heart like it touched mine.

Gotta run.

Fall asleep on her own......

K is a little bit over 3 months old, and she has yet to ever fall asleep on her own. She has either been nursed, rocked, in her swing, or in the car seat. I want to start a routine with her so that maybe, just maybe I will be able to get to a point where I can just lay her in her crib when she is tired and she will fall asleep. She does not take a soother so I think that is really an issue, she has nothing to self sooth her self with. She hates those darn things, I continue to try time and time again, because I have been told that eventually she will take it. Well I really don't think that will be the case, I actually tried getting her to use one last night and she gagged on it. I don't think she will ever take one.

I've tried putting her to sleep with her listening to lullaby songs, I've tried swaddling her and not swaddling her. On her back and on her side, haven't tried her sleeping on her stomach yet, just not feeling like she is ready for that. If I don't rock or nurse her at night then she will just simply cry until someone comes and gets her, and even if we let her know we are right there she will still cry.

I'm not against letting her cry but I just don't think we should let her cry for more then a couple minutes at such a young age. Plus R can't stand to hear her cry, so that makes it hard to even try letting her cry for a little bit.

She has now gotten into the habit of sleeping in her crib so thats a plus :) about 3 weeks ago she would refuse to sleep anywhere but in our bed, and if I wanted my sleep then thats where she would sleep. One night I just tried to put her in her crib after she fell asleep nursing in bed and she stayed in the crib for a good 5 hours :) So we have that part figured out, but our next step is getting her to fall asleep on her own.  Hope it works out soon.

If you come across this post and you have any thoughts or opinions that you think might help or that worked for you I would love to hear about it. Please feel free to share what worked for you. Thanks :)


Gotta run :)

Tree House dislikes!

So I was looking through our PVR of all the shows we have recorded and we have spongebob recorded on there 22 times. Yup thats 22 damn episodes of spongebob, why you ask.... Cause a cute little 4.5 year old boy has taken a liking to the yellow sponge with square pants that lives in a pineapple. Every morning I hear "Spongebob on please mom." So I begrudgingly turn it on.

I honestly CAN NOT STAND THIS SHOW! I don't know what it is but it just annoys me. But I guess it is much much better then the shows that are on Tree House. There are a few shows that are educational, I'll admit to that but there are more shows that just shouldn't be on tree house. Here is a list of the top 5 that I DISLIKE!

1. Max and Ruby : First off WHERE ARE THE PARENTS!!! Why is a an older sister who is 7 years old taking care of her 3 year old little brother. Who by the way can barely talk. Shouldn't a 3 year old know more words, or at least a couple word sentences. Ruby is way to bossy for my liking. 

2.Yo Gabba Gabba : Just a weird show with odd weird catchy songs that by the way stick with you all day. Like this one " Party in my tummy "  I'm sure that whether you like it or not that song will be stuck in your head and you will be humming it and when you realize what you are humming you will want to bash your head against a wall to try and get it out. 

3. Waybuloo : This one is just odd, they don't speak a real language and it looks like they do yoga with kids who apparently know what the are saying even though I have watched this show and can understand maybe one or two words. Just odd.

4. Caillu : This show drives me crazy. It's like a constant whine. I am sure that they don't mean for him to sound like that, but he is constantly talking in a whine and I deal with enough whine talk from my own 4 year old I don't need to listen to it straight for 30 minutes. No thanks!

5. In the Night Garden : I have nothing to say about this show except it's completely useless and weird and annoying. 

Well there you have it. Maybe I will come back and list my top five that I enjoy but little miss K needs me. Oh and the names are clickable. 

REMEMBER CHECK OUT THE SONG! It will stay with you for a while! My gift to you. LOL.

Gotta Run

Weekend

Well this weekend has been nice, J is at his dads and S is with his mom, so it has just been R and I and K. We went over to our friends house Saturday night and stayed there till 5:00, needless to say I am a little tired. We got home at 5:30, K fed then she fed again at 8:00 and then we were up for the day at about 10:30 cause little miss K didn't want to sleep any longer. So we have been rearranging the house a little to give us more room.

June 1st we are moving out. We talked to R's dad and worked things out..... kinda, sorta... I still think he is being petty and mean about some things, but thats another post another time. We are going to sell the car and start taking busses. It's cheaper and that will be one debt we can wipe clean. So I am kinda excited about that. We have to fix the front window of his car first, but luckily we are getting money back on our taxes :) I'm excited for June 1st!!!!! Won't be long, considering K is already 3 months old:)

Isn't she just adorable!! That is her at her baptism :) R is actually at church right now with her. It's only the second time she has been away from me since she has been born. It isn't for very long and R is a great father. Plus she has a clean bum and she was fed before they left, so all in all it should be an okay time. I hope she just sleeps right through church for him :)

Gotta Run.

I Love How.....

Today has been a pretty good day, started off a little rough with me being up since 4:30 :( But J has been well behaved and K hasn't been too cranky :) On days like this I am sad to see him go to his dads today. He really is just a great little boy, he may not make the smartest decision but he is only 4 so I would have to say that it is typical... I hope..

I love how he has a memory like you wouldn't believe, he remembers things that happened months and months before hand, and he can memorize songs and t.v. shows.

I love how he says and talks so grown up some times. He uses words that seem so much bigger then a 4 year old should use. It makes me realize just how much he soaks up.

I love how he always wants to give hugs and kisses to his baby sister ALL the time. I know he really doesn't understand that he can't do it all the time because she is sleeping, but it shows he loves her and its better then him being jealous.

I love how he always wants to cuddle with him and I really should just learn to take the time and do it :)

I love so much more about this little boy of mine, and I know as he gets older he won't want to cuddle and have me read him stories or do crafts with me. I should really cherish these moments, even at the hardest of times..

I only hope to have this kind of relationship that I have with J with K as well.

Gotta run.

"Next Blog"

Okay both kids are sleeping and here I am doing what I normally do when I have some down time lately and that is go around lurking for blogs. There is this handy little button at the top of the blogger pages that says "Next Blog" and I use it to lurk :) I go around looking for blogs that inspire me or make me literally laugh out loud, or some that just make me think and smile. I try to comment on all those blogs that catch my eye or I stop to read, but I have to say that I when I look at the date of the last post someone blogged on I actually just click the "next blog" button right away. I mean there is no reason to keep on reading if they aren't going to come back and post more stuff.

I have been known to do that same thing, and I get it life gets in the way. Or people just don't want to blog anymore. Who knows why people stop blogging, or even what goes through their head when they want to start a blog. I have started many blogs and many have gone down the drain and I stopped writing, I have tried many different things to keep me going and I think that what makes me stop is that I don't think anyone is reading my blog, and to say that I have anything important enough to say that people want to read my blog is a little over the top. But maybe just maybe I will catch someones eye or interest someone enough that they want to keep reading and hear what I say.

I will continue to look for new interesting blogs and possibly even comment if I have something to say, with hopes that maybe someone will do the same for me. Either way I hope to keep up with this blog.... And who knows I may add pictures soon :) I guess you won't find out unless you keep coming back :)

Here is a question for all you bloggers out there...  What makes a blog? What catches your eye in a blog to continue reading and become a follower even? And for those who may or may not be reading, what would you like to see me blog about? I would love to hear from you :)

Gotta Run!

Breastfeeding

When I first got pregnant with J, breastfeeding was a big concern of mine. I was worried that it was going to hurt a lot or that I wasn't going to produce enough milk to feed him. The time came and after a very long and hard labor that ended in a C-section, J came into the world. He latched on great and even after having a c-section my milk came in a day after he was born. There was minimal pain and it just seemed to go really well. Instead of having a low supply I actually had an over abundance of a supply. I had pumped and saved over 1500 ounces, plus I breastfeed him and pumped extra so his father could feed him when he had him. Sadly though he weaned himself at 10 months :( I enjoyed breastfeeding, the bonding that J and I did, the closeness, and just knowing that I was comforting him and feeding him at the same time. That made it all worth it. I was actually quite sad that he didn't go longer then 10 months, but I guess he was so used to taking bottles that he just preferred it. So we switched to whole milk, and he did great with it.

Then I got pregnant with K, and those worries started over again. Probably even more so because my breastfeeding experience with J went so well. So once again the time came and I had my planned c-section and out she came. She was perfect! She didn't leave my side once and she had a pretty good latch, which made me pretty happy. Also one of the nurses actually told me I had great nipples for breastfeeding. What exactly do you say to that.. Umm thanks??? Anyways my milk came in within a day and a half and it has been great. Tiring but great. It has been a little over 3 months and I have been exclusively breastfeeding, for the first 2 or 3 week of her life she had maybe a couple bottles here and there, R wanted her to get used to the bottles just incase I wasn't able to feed her, but after we stopped giving her a bottle for a week she just wouldn't take them anymore. She would gum it but not suck anything. She also refuses a soother as well, so her only means of pacifying and getting breast milk is from me, and actually I am quite okay with that. I have gotten used to feeding her in front of other people (covered up of course) and if need be feeding her well we are out as well.

I love how when she is hungry and fussing she will automatically start to calm down or actually smile when she seems me start to get ready to feed her. I love how I can calm her down instantly and how she loves to nurse :) I love the bonding time and I love how if all else fails I can get her to sleep from nursing.

It may sound silly or weird to some people but I love breastfeeding my children. It is a very rewarding thing for me to be able to provide for my child like no one else can and it is very cheap :)

Gotta run K is crying :(

Bloggers and comments

Lately I have been reading other peoples blogs, some are interesting and some are not so much. Some I can't even understand because they are in a different language. I have come to realize that I am drawn to the blogs of other mothers who write about their lives and also who don't sugar coat the trials and tribulations of raising children. Also who write about how much they love raising their children and the joys that it brings.

So if I find a blog that I find interesting or cute and fun, then I will leave a comment, because I think people who blog and not put it as private are maybe hoping someone will come along and read their blog and possibly leave a comment.... or not. I know that deep down inside I think I would enjoy it if people were reading my blog and perhaps leaving a comment. Not that I consider my blog to be of anything comment worthy, but  guess it is kind of nice to think that people are reading what I have to say.

I also think that maybe by me leaving a comment and letting them know that someone is reading their blog it might make them feel good :)

So if you read my blog feel free to leave a comment :) Even just to say hi and let me know you read my blog :)

Well baby K just woke up.

Gotta Run.

Just breath.

Alright, now that J has been gone for the last 40 minutes to his dads and K is sleeping nicely in her crib, I can just breath without feeling like it's all going to come apart at the seams.

I realize that J may be having a difficult time with always having to be on the go and possibly maybe feeling like he doesn't have a set place to just call home. He does have a pretty hectic schedule of going back and forth from his dads to my place. Every Monday Tuesday and Wednesday he is at his dads after 4:00, and then every second weekend he is at his dads. Also every second Monday he doesn't come home in the morning, and he gets dropped off at 6:30 in the morning, every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Way to early in my opinion for a 4 year old who goes to preschool three times a week. So on a Tuesday he gets dropped off at 6:30 in the morning and on occasion he goes back to sleep but more often not, then we hang out around the house, watch t.v. and do whatever else comes up then around 4:00 he goes to his dads. Then Wednesday comes around and he gets dropped off at 6:30 again and then he has to go to preschool at 12:15 gets picked up at 2:45 then back to his dads at 3:45. In my opinion thats a lot for a 4 year old to handle.

I try to give him a lot of what he wants within reason, I try to do fun things with him to keep him occupied, but with a needy 3 month old it can get difficult. I wish I could just devout a whole day to him and let him choose anything and everything we did. Thankfully his dad is going to be in Mexico from the 19th of March till the 28th, that whole week he also has no school because of spring break. That week he doesn't have to go ANYWHERE! I am hoping that will make him feel better and it will give us the quality time I'm thinking he is so desperately craving.

Tomorrow will be a better day!

DONE!

I'm done! I don't know why I want to spend more time with my son when all he does is fight with me. I can ask him to do a simple thing and it will turn into a huge fight. Asking him to get dressed just caused a very big fight and he ended up hitting me and it was just the last straw and I lost my temper and I screamed at him. I know it sounds bad for saying I don't want to spend more time with my son and believe me when I say this I love him with all I have and I would go to the ends of the earth for him, but it is just so hard sometimes.

I want to enjoy my days with him, I don't want to fight with him about getting dressed or throwing out his garbage or not being to rough with his sister, or not standing to close to the t.v.  Everything turns into a tantrum or a melt down. Putting him in time out is an ordeal all on its own. I even tried to spend one on one time with him well K was sleeping and it just ended up in a fight, he was being to rough with me and I told him to be gentle and not hurt me and then next thing I know is I am getting a knee in my back. I just don't understand why he can't simply listen to me.

If I want to not cause any fights that means I let him do whatever he wants and I am not okay with that. Where did I go wrong in raising him where it is always constantly a fight. It just seems like he forgets or he just chooses not to do what he was told sometimes literally 10 minutes prior.

And on top of all that K has been cranky and needy and every time I put her down she starts to cry, my house is a mess and laundry needs to be folded and put away.  I want just one day where I don't have to fight with my son or rock, bounce, pat K. I want happy children who listen.

I love all my children, but I guess I am just having a very hard time with it all lately.

Gotta run

Coincident.. I highly doubt that.

I am really just wondering when we are going to have one month when we don't have one single bad thing happen. Now the stupid washing machine stopped working, coincidentally just after R's dad finished doing his laundry. Now it may take a week to fix it, it will probably just start working when his dad needs to do his laundry again. So I had to go to my parents today to do diaper laundry and just the important stuff to last us the week. I am pretty sure that if it isn't fixed when I need to do diaper laundry again then I am just going to put her in disposables until the darn thing is fixed.

Also we can't move into my parents house when they moved out for April 1st, but since we originally told them we couldn't do it they told the landlord they were moving out, and then 2 weeks later R's dad gave us 1 month notice to move out. So we thought we would talk to my parents to see if it was still available. My dad talked to the land lord and he had already done something with a property management place and apparently they are renting it out for anywhere between 1300 and 1500 and that is way to expensive for us.  Even with someone living down in the basement suite.

Now we have to start from scratch and find a place that doesn't cost a lot but also has a washer and a dryer or at least washer dryer hook ups. At least that way we can buy a used one for not that much or go lease one.. I don't know. . But if we don't have a washer and dryer it will cost to much to go a laundry mat and if we don't use cloth diapers then we would have to buy disposables and what the heck is the point in saving any money!

Why is it that whenever we try to get ahead or think we are getting ahead something else comes up that just stomps on it all and kicks us back in the hole. At this rate we will never be married. :(

Gotta run.

Moving on Out.

Well it's official we are now moving out. A simple 4 months after moving in with R's dad. A sign from god maybe, whatever it was I still don't know how I feel about it. R's dad drank himself drunk today, literally starting from the very early morning till he will pass out tonight. He went off on R today well we were upstairs getting dinner ready. Saying we never clean up after our selfs and how we are abusing him by not cleaning up. How every time he uses the washing machine it is moved over a little bit and it should never ever EVER move. How he has raised three kids and his house was always clean and they did laundry all the time and cleaned diapers as well and the washing machine never moved or he didn't have to use special detergents for cloth diapers. At one point he even mentioned that I should be the one sweeping the floor every day because I am home all the time.

R tried to say things but there really is no reasoning or arguing with a drunk man. R's dad told us we needed to be out by the end of next month. R told him we would talk about this tomorrow and his dad said it won't change. Thats fine by me. R said that even if we talk to his dad tomorrow about it and he changes his mind and says we can stay that we are still going to move out.

What gets me is that every time I use that kitchen when his dad isn't home I literally make sure that it looks exactly the way it was when I got up there. I unload the dishwasher and re load it before dinner. I make sure I clean up well I am making dinner, and I even clean up after dinner. The thing is he is always telling us that because I cooked the dinner he will clean up. I always make sure I ask "Are you sure" he always says "YES". The times I do clean up I always make sure the kitchen is spotless. Tonight he actually picked up an elastic that had fallen onto the ground under the part of the cabinet you can't see, but he somehow knew it was there and got mad at us saying he shouldn't have to clean up after us. Really over an elastic I have NEVER seen or even used.

But either way we are out by April 1st. I'm done with it and i guess I should feel glad that this is happening but I am slightly worried. We may even have to sell the car:( Not sure how its all going to work. All I know is that it has too.......

Gotta run K is crying......

Difficult Love

Today has been a challenge of a day. I have been up since 6:30 in the morning with K and then the boys were up at 7:00, so I am very tired. Not only that but I had to take 4 busses today just to go get J from preschool. The boys have been constantly at each others throats and J has not been listening at all, getting him to actually do as I say in like trying to move a solid brick wall with your bare hands. Its constantly No, or not right now, or I am busy. NOT ONCE CAN HE DO AS I SAY THE VERY FIRST TIME! And S just doesn't seem to hear me or just doesn't act like he listens, honestly that can me even more frustrating then fighting with J. K slept the whole time we were on the bus so thats a good thing.

J is very smart and intelligent and has a great memory. He can already right his name and can almost already count to 100. So I don't understand how a simple thing like listening to his mother can be so damn hard! And I also think that S has some hearing problems, either that or he is playing us or he is kind of delayed. It could be any one of those things. Whats more frustrating is that I can't understand him half the time.

I love these children with all my heart and I would go to the ends of the earth for them, but man oh man can they be difficult to deal with.

Gotta run, K and dinner need to be dealt with

Honey!!

So at dinner tonight we mentioned that Kay won't take a soother and his dad told us to dip the soother in honey. I told him that won't be happening and I really don't want to give her any solids until about 6 months, and besides the point you aren't supposed to give honey to babies before a year. He told me that he used to give honey to his kids before a year all the time to get them to take soothers. When I informed him that they also suggest that babies only get breastmilk/formula for the first 6 months, he actually told me that that is bullshit and stupid, that I was a rookie and didnt know what I was talking about!!!

I'm so aggravated by the crap he says. Oh and to prove he knows better then me he also suggests giving the babies apricot Brandy in their bottles if they can't sleep!!!! REALLY?!?? Way to win parent of the damn year!!!



Vent Over

Holding it all together

On days like today I often wonder how I am going to be able to handle more children. R wants at least 2 more and I am not sure that I can successfully hold it all together if we have more children. Don't get me wrong I love my children and with all my heart, but on days like today they are exhausting.  J even had an hour and a half nap today, and that would have been all good and I could have relaxed if K would have slept for more then a half hour, but no she was up crying shortly after J fell asleep.

J has been throwing fit after fit and I just am not sure what his problem is but it's causing me to want to run into my room and close the door and not come out for anything. K has also been temperamental today. I know she is only almost 3 months old but I feel like I have no idea what she wants or what is wrong with her. I just can't figure it out. She is in her swing right now and even then she is fussing. I just fed her and she has a clean diaper on and the only thing I can think of is that she is extremely over tired and I'm at that point today where she just needs to cry to wear her self out, because she just fights it when I try to rock her.  I wish I could fix both their problems today but I just can't figure them out. I thought J needed a nap and he did, he fell asleep, but he woke up and still had melt downs. I thought K was hungry and so I fed her and she stopped crying for all of 2 seconds. I tried burping her but that didn't help. I'm really hoping she will fall asleep in her swing.

Right now though J is upstairs with FIL doing who knows what. Usually I try to keep him downstairs for a while but I have had just about enough of the fights and him not listening to me, and the break is a little bit needed. Call me selfish but I just don't care right now.

S is coming over tonight after R gets off work, hopefully that will occupy J and those two can play in their rooms. R can take K for a little bit so I can maybe get a shower and some alone time in before R runs off to his friends birthday dinner around 9.

Honestly I don't remember it being this hard when J was this little. And I had my 18 month old niece to look after at the same time. Maybe I'm just losing my touch, or at the ripe old age of 25 I'm getting to old.. Ha ha ha.

Got to run K is still fussing, gunna give rocking a try again.

Tid Bits

My life isn't exactly neat and tidy, I think it would be anything far from that. I'm in a relationship with a guy whom I love more then anything (We will call him R), but along with him comes an adorable little boy from a previous relationship of his (We will call him S). Also along with me comes an adorable little boy as well (We will call him J).  And after 3 years and 4 months we had a beautiful baby girl (We will call her K), now I would like to say our family is complete but R has other ideas.

Now in between these almost 4 years of us being together our lives haven't exactly been easy or drama free. If anything it's been quite the opposite, and at times in the past it has been down right rocky. I'll get to all of that later as it comes up.

As of right now we are living at R's Dads house, and not because we want to but because we HAVE to. When I was pregnant with K I had to stop working for medical reasons and that kind of got us in a financial black hole. If Medical EI hadn't screwed me over then we wouldn't be in this predicament, but here we are in a pretty bad situation. His dad is not easy to live with, actually at most times it has been down right hard. He doesn't think to highly of women and thinks that they belong in the kitchen and to top it all off he has to ALWAYS be right, even when he isn't he just keeps going on and on about it thinking he is right. He makes jokes that aren't funny and kind of makes him look like an ass, and I really can't stand the way he talks to the kids sometimes. But he is letting us live at his house rent free, we still have to pay our share of the utility bills, but he is helping us out a lot.

Don't get me wrong I appreciate what he is doing for us more then I care to express at times, and believe me when I say it is very hard to show it when he makes me feel like he is belittling me all the time. I understand he has had a nasty divorce from R's mom and he has got burnt in the past by other girls,but that in now way means he gets to treat me like I'm not good at what I do or over step his boundaries and go over my head with regards to the kids. I just have to keep in my mind that he is helping us out and that we won't be in this situation forever.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders getting this all out, and this isn't even a lot of it. This would be like 1 page in a 300 page novel. But I need to get J ready for preschool and feed K.

Gotta Run!