Coincident.. I highly doubt that.

I am really just wondering when we are going to have one month when we don't have one single bad thing happen. Now the stupid washing machine stopped working, coincidentally just after R's dad finished doing his laundry. Now it may take a week to fix it, it will probably just start working when his dad needs to do his laundry again. So I had to go to my parents today to do diaper laundry and just the important stuff to last us the week. I am pretty sure that if it isn't fixed when I need to do diaper laundry again then I am just going to put her in disposables until the darn thing is fixed.

Also we can't move into my parents house when they moved out for April 1st, but since we originally told them we couldn't do it they told the landlord they were moving out, and then 2 weeks later R's dad gave us 1 month notice to move out. So we thought we would talk to my parents to see if it was still available. My dad talked to the land lord and he had already done something with a property management place and apparently they are renting it out for anywhere between 1300 and 1500 and that is way to expensive for us.  Even with someone living down in the basement suite.

Now we have to start from scratch and find a place that doesn't cost a lot but also has a washer and a dryer or at least washer dryer hook ups. At least that way we can buy a used one for not that much or go lease one.. I don't know. . But if we don't have a washer and dryer it will cost to much to go a laundry mat and if we don't use cloth diapers then we would have to buy disposables and what the heck is the point in saving any money!

Why is it that whenever we try to get ahead or think we are getting ahead something else comes up that just stomps on it all and kicks us back in the hole. At this rate we will never be married. :(

Gotta run.

Moving on Out.

Well it's official we are now moving out. A simple 4 months after moving in with R's dad. A sign from god maybe, whatever it was I still don't know how I feel about it. R's dad drank himself drunk today, literally starting from the very early morning till he will pass out tonight. He went off on R today well we were upstairs getting dinner ready. Saying we never clean up after our selfs and how we are abusing him by not cleaning up. How every time he uses the washing machine it is moved over a little bit and it should never ever EVER move. How he has raised three kids and his house was always clean and they did laundry all the time and cleaned diapers as well and the washing machine never moved or he didn't have to use special detergents for cloth diapers. At one point he even mentioned that I should be the one sweeping the floor every day because I am home all the time.

R tried to say things but there really is no reasoning or arguing with a drunk man. R's dad told us we needed to be out by the end of next month. R told him we would talk about this tomorrow and his dad said it won't change. Thats fine by me. R said that even if we talk to his dad tomorrow about it and he changes his mind and says we can stay that we are still going to move out.

What gets me is that every time I use that kitchen when his dad isn't home I literally make sure that it looks exactly the way it was when I got up there. I unload the dishwasher and re load it before dinner. I make sure I clean up well I am making dinner, and I even clean up after dinner. The thing is he is always telling us that because I cooked the dinner he will clean up. I always make sure I ask "Are you sure" he always says "YES". The times I do clean up I always make sure the kitchen is spotless. Tonight he actually picked up an elastic that had fallen onto the ground under the part of the cabinet you can't see, but he somehow knew it was there and got mad at us saying he shouldn't have to clean up after us. Really over an elastic I have NEVER seen or even used.

But either way we are out by April 1st. I'm done with it and i guess I should feel glad that this is happening but I am slightly worried. We may even have to sell the car:( Not sure how its all going to work. All I know is that it has too.......

Gotta run K is crying......

Difficult Love

Today has been a challenge of a day. I have been up since 6:30 in the morning with K and then the boys were up at 7:00, so I am very tired. Not only that but I had to take 4 busses today just to go get J from preschool. The boys have been constantly at each others throats and J has not been listening at all, getting him to actually do as I say in like trying to move a solid brick wall with your bare hands. Its constantly No, or not right now, or I am busy. NOT ONCE CAN HE DO AS I SAY THE VERY FIRST TIME! And S just doesn't seem to hear me or just doesn't act like he listens, honestly that can me even more frustrating then fighting with J. K slept the whole time we were on the bus so thats a good thing.

J is very smart and intelligent and has a great memory. He can already right his name and can almost already count to 100. So I don't understand how a simple thing like listening to his mother can be so damn hard! And I also think that S has some hearing problems, either that or he is playing us or he is kind of delayed. It could be any one of those things. Whats more frustrating is that I can't understand him half the time.

I love these children with all my heart and I would go to the ends of the earth for them, but man oh man can they be difficult to deal with.

Gotta run, K and dinner need to be dealt with

Honey!!

So at dinner tonight we mentioned that Kay won't take a soother and his dad told us to dip the soother in honey. I told him that won't be happening and I really don't want to give her any solids until about 6 months, and besides the point you aren't supposed to give honey to babies before a year. He told me that he used to give honey to his kids before a year all the time to get them to take soothers. When I informed him that they also suggest that babies only get breastmilk/formula for the first 6 months, he actually told me that that is bullshit and stupid, that I was a rookie and didnt know what I was talking about!!!

I'm so aggravated by the crap he says. Oh and to prove he knows better then me he also suggests giving the babies apricot Brandy in their bottles if they can't sleep!!!! REALLY?!?? Way to win parent of the damn year!!!



Vent Over

Holding it all together

On days like today I often wonder how I am going to be able to handle more children. R wants at least 2 more and I am not sure that I can successfully hold it all together if we have more children. Don't get me wrong I love my children and with all my heart, but on days like today they are exhausting.  J even had an hour and a half nap today, and that would have been all good and I could have relaxed if K would have slept for more then a half hour, but no she was up crying shortly after J fell asleep.

J has been throwing fit after fit and I just am not sure what his problem is but it's causing me to want to run into my room and close the door and not come out for anything. K has also been temperamental today. I know she is only almost 3 months old but I feel like I have no idea what she wants or what is wrong with her. I just can't figure it out. She is in her swing right now and even then she is fussing. I just fed her and she has a clean diaper on and the only thing I can think of is that she is extremely over tired and I'm at that point today where she just needs to cry to wear her self out, because she just fights it when I try to rock her.  I wish I could fix both their problems today but I just can't figure them out. I thought J needed a nap and he did, he fell asleep, but he woke up and still had melt downs. I thought K was hungry and so I fed her and she stopped crying for all of 2 seconds. I tried burping her but that didn't help. I'm really hoping she will fall asleep in her swing.

Right now though J is upstairs with FIL doing who knows what. Usually I try to keep him downstairs for a while but I have had just about enough of the fights and him not listening to me, and the break is a little bit needed. Call me selfish but I just don't care right now.

S is coming over tonight after R gets off work, hopefully that will occupy J and those two can play in their rooms. R can take K for a little bit so I can maybe get a shower and some alone time in before R runs off to his friends birthday dinner around 9.

Honestly I don't remember it being this hard when J was this little. And I had my 18 month old niece to look after at the same time. Maybe I'm just losing my touch, or at the ripe old age of 25 I'm getting to old.. Ha ha ha.

Got to run K is still fussing, gunna give rocking a try again.

Tid Bits

My life isn't exactly neat and tidy, I think it would be anything far from that. I'm in a relationship with a guy whom I love more then anything (We will call him R), but along with him comes an adorable little boy from a previous relationship of his (We will call him S). Also along with me comes an adorable little boy as well (We will call him J).  And after 3 years and 4 months we had a beautiful baby girl (We will call her K), now I would like to say our family is complete but R has other ideas.

Now in between these almost 4 years of us being together our lives haven't exactly been easy or drama free. If anything it's been quite the opposite, and at times in the past it has been down right rocky. I'll get to all of that later as it comes up.

As of right now we are living at R's Dads house, and not because we want to but because we HAVE to. When I was pregnant with K I had to stop working for medical reasons and that kind of got us in a financial black hole. If Medical EI hadn't screwed me over then we wouldn't be in this predicament, but here we are in a pretty bad situation. His dad is not easy to live with, actually at most times it has been down right hard. He doesn't think to highly of women and thinks that they belong in the kitchen and to top it all off he has to ALWAYS be right, even when he isn't he just keeps going on and on about it thinking he is right. He makes jokes that aren't funny and kind of makes him look like an ass, and I really can't stand the way he talks to the kids sometimes. But he is letting us live at his house rent free, we still have to pay our share of the utility bills, but he is helping us out a lot.

Don't get me wrong I appreciate what he is doing for us more then I care to express at times, and believe me when I say it is very hard to show it when he makes me feel like he is belittling me all the time. I understand he has had a nasty divorce from R's mom and he has got burnt in the past by other girls,but that in now way means he gets to treat me like I'm not good at what I do or over step his boundaries and go over my head with regards to the kids. I just have to keep in my mind that he is helping us out and that we won't be in this situation forever.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders getting this all out, and this isn't even a lot of it. This would be like 1 page in a 300 page novel. But I need to get J ready for preschool and feed K.

Gotta Run!